Good morning. Are we up yet? Oh what time is it, wait it’s 7 already? 5 more minutes.Grrrrr. More sleep. Isn’t this a constant battle we face everyday? Atleast I do. Every night I sleep with determination, tomorrow I’ll wake up at 7 and go for a run. Or I’ll do yoga. Or I’ll do abs. But somehow as the time slips past 5 am, my body begins to transcend in a deep slumber and I find myself snoring loudly ( as my brother is so kind to remind me, but I don’t believe him. He just wants to pull my leg)
Well I knew a part of me was always lazy. But it kind-of Showed its true colours since last year. Damn now when I look at my photos, I realise I was so fit! Ever since I started going to Ferguson for graduation, I fell in love with the natural surroundings and I was usually up in a heartbeat for the morning geography or English lecture. It was beautiful. The lush green trees, the aromatic smell of freshly prepared pohe and upma at the imdr canteen. This served as a motivating factor surely. Slowly I started going for morning workouts too. I found myself having fun. All of my friends used to throw me puzzled glances, I looked so fit to them. I used to and still eat the most when we go out to dine. I realised then, my metabolism rate is pretty good and in six months with routine outdoor activity I could shed it all. Yaaaay. Pretty good right?
Except this time I kind-of screwed it up. I became lazy, condescending and stubborn. I was going through a bad phase and I couldn’t find enough motivation to get up and exercise. I was terrified. This feeling where I subjugated myself with the thought that I won’t be as fit as I was before. I felt trapped in myself. There was no leeway, I was lost in my own thoughts. I felt pretty bad and low most of the days. Slowly I started feeling bloated and experienced back and shoulder pain to the point where it became unbearable. I wouldn’t look at myself in the mirror. I lost all will to feel good and presentable. In short I despised myself. I hit the lowest point I could in years.
But you don’t get up unless you experience failure right? I analysed myself. What was going wrong? What weird stress I was going through? Why does my health have to suffer ? Do I want to be unhealthy and fall prey to diseases or can I push myself a bit every day and get better?
I started by motivating myself mentally. There is this weird thing, whenever I am down I watch a particular series of Japanese manga basketball. It gets me pumped up and It feels as if I am the one playing. It helped. I pulled out old clothes and tried them on. I fumed when I couldn’t fit in them. I scrolled on facebook and and went through old photos. Old memories of how I worked hard then flashed through. It felt good didn’t it? So if I could do it then, what is this mental wall that was stopping me? I sulked around for a few days and months. I felt dreadful honestly. I knew what I had to do but just couldn’t find enough strength to get up and actually do it. You can say I was scared. Thankfully I have a few people who push me everyday when I am down. Who make me realise what I can do when I don’t even feel like getting up before 9am. I love them for this and feel grateful that I am able to get up again and head to the ground with a goal. The goal is not to crash diet or to be a size zero. I never can do the flimsy diet thing or survive on fruits and juices. But I am cutting down on a few things. I just want to feel fit and content with myself again,to look good in any wardrobe, to feel beautiful from the inside because I worked out and to stay away from medicines and hospitals because I hate them. I’d rather work out than spend my money on things that are not an investment. If I gain weight again I know now with enough motivation and a fixed agenda I can shed it. I am aware I don’t have to have body issues ever again. I can workout and be content with myself. I don’t have to starve myself and look like a model either. I can eat as much as I want and still rock that dress. And slowly, I am getting there again. 💪