How I love writing blog posts relating to real life situations !
Well, I am so glad I get to experience a spectrum full of it, because it gives me plenty of material and garbage to process through in this tiny brain of mine and come up with rational or not-so-rational explanations of why do’s regarding everything.
I had a situation recently, by recent could mean like a week ago or even today evening 😛 Well knowing my impulsive streak to put it out, you guess.
My question and confession is all-in-one. Have you ever been a sympathy seeker/giver or too much empathy giver that you get caught on the negative projections of another and it sort of makes you find faults in your own life? Or ever found yourself craving excess sympathy, empathy by highlighting your problems more than necessary ?
Okay too long a statement, but let me break it down. They say empathy should be practiced and it is necessary for individuals to connect and be a just and good person. But is it only me, or have you too been in a situation where you are offering continuous empathy ( When you can relate to the person going through the situation because you yourself have gone through the same. Eg- I flunked in the exams so I can relate to when you flunked. Okay pretty lame example, but you get the idea )
So sometimes, when it gets out of hand and you sort of start to realize that the person receiving all the empathy is not doing anything to improve their situation, or deal with it, or its not even improving over time, then it takes the form of negative projections and it majorly affected me. Ive had experiences when I’ve drowned myself so much that I lost myself in their problems and for no reason started relating myself with that. Its unhealthy, not to mention self-destructing and mentally tiring after a while. .
I’ve also been guilty of receiving sympathy. A lot of times. And let me tell you why it happened. I did some research and reflecting, R and R I’d call it, and there are tons of them ranging from low-self esteem, inferiority complex and attention seeking to conditioning received in the early childhood. Every case is different and I could say I suffered or at times do suffer from all of them at times.
I craved sympathy because I was at times so ashamed of situations happening to me, I didn’t know how to deal with it, all the attention I received felt really good, I felt validated and also the feeling of just blaming the fate/destiny etc meant not taking responsibility for whatever happened.
I started to self-pity myself and acting like all the problems in the world came to me. I was too lazy to even mentally exercise the effort to take to get out of it. Again, because self-pity felt soo good. The drama and surge of emotions it creates feels thrilling. The alluring feeling of being in the victim mentality – Why is everything wrong happening with me ? Questioning and cursing God – What did I do to deserve this ? – We are afraid to take responsibility of our life, the decisions and consequences attached to it. I was and am still in some areas. I lived in the past for a very long time. I was always dwelling on the events in the past and further victimizing myself. I craved for the attention and affection of others, I sometimes still fall in that trap or unhealthy behavioral pattern.
I can also say that, for the longest time, I’ve been surrounded by people who exhibit similar patterns. And I never made a conscious, informed decision to tackle it healthily. Constant brooding, dark, melancholy. Self-pitying, constant victim mindset and creating drama at the drop of a hat. I also do and did indulge in these UNHEALTHY PSYCHOLOGICAL MINDSETS. I am far far from perfect. What I am aiming for is awareness.
I’ve had people around me who never accepted their mistake, which results from low-self esteem and refrain from taking personal responsibility. Then it turns into a drama of self-pitying and making themselves the victim. When it becomes a habit, it severely damages your ability for acceptance and taking responsibility.
And while when I was still in teens and much of my early adult stages, I used to feel that something is not right, maybe in the way someone behaved, or many times in the way I was responding to situations, but I sorely lacked the CONSCIOUSNESS and MINDSET to examine it from an calm and composed state.
To be able to analyse the why’s and then accept it, I had to practice some from of detachment. For my personal growth and development. Because the onus is only on me. No-one is going to be responsible for your mental health when you grow old.
Then it hit me. All these struggles occur when you are unkind to yourself. You believe you are unworthy of being loved healthily. When you FOCUS more on the NEGATIVE aspects of your life, rather than BEING GRATEFUL and content in small perpetual joys that are there in every day. When you LACK the ability to ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY and shift the blame to someone else for your own shortcomings.
But I really do have hope. Hope that day by day, as I grow old, I would be able to deal with these situations in myself and others in a very HEALTHY and right way. To be able to talk about the demons I deal with fearlessly. To be able to reach an understanding of myself, and others, to look at it with appropriate compassion.
After all, if not me, who else ? 😉